Kathleen Norton

Canadians to the rescue

Posted on: September 15, 2010

The more fish oil and calcium pills we consume in our empty nest, the more we run around in a foggy haze of age denial.

Some days, we even “overdose’’ and Shazam! We are 40 once again!

At least in our heads.

And that is how we ended up sprawled on a bike trail, one of us bleeding and our energy bars squished beyond recognition, while three cute Canadian cycling guys with French accents stood there wondering what we had crashed into.

The truth was we had crashed into each other. But that’s getting ahead of the story.

Let’s begin at the beginning.

It was one of those days when we not only took fish oil and calcium, but I had popped some soy supplement and he had taken multi-vitamins.

We were on a middle-aged high, which is kind of like how we felt in college – minus the loud music, beer and the ability to stay awake for Saturday Night Live.

In our state of vitamin inebriation, we didn’t bother to scrounge around for our dollar store reading glasses and check the warning labels. If we had, we would have read this:

“Too much of this stuff makes you act stupid and, frankly, your knees can’t take that ridiculously long bike ride you have in mind.”

Off we went with our bikes and the energy bars and lo and behold, halfway through the ride my left knee started aching and I wanted to quit.

That’s when two other bikers passed us. She was about 25. He was at least twice that, and was NOT her father.

“Gross,’’ I sighed.

“I see nothing wrong with that.’’ he said.

I turned to argue but what happened next is a lesson for all women: Freely give your mate a piece of your mind, but not while on a bike.

With my eyes off the path, the bikes got close, we snagged handlebars and zigzagged out of control.

“This is what a ‘hook-up’ means at our age!’’ I yelled.

“Stop joking! Save the energy bars!’’ he yelled back and pushed my bike forward so he wouldn’t crash on me.

But in saving me, he went down hard and gashed his leg. His sock quickly turned blood red.

Enter the cute Canadians.

They rode upon us just then. I put on a smile and dusted off my French language skills.

“Le Band-Aid?’’ I asked and tried to make small talk. He stood there bloody and not at all impressed with my innocent attempt to improve international relations.

They gave us a bandage and peddled off while we headed back to our car.

“That was sooo nice of them!’’ I gushed. He gave me look that clearly said it was time to forget about the cute Canadians.

So I did, and there are a few more things about that day I’d like to forget, too.

The silly argument that started it all. (Though I know I am right.)

The bloody sock we’ll never get back to white.

The tragic loss of three perfectly good mocha-chocolate energy bars.

And the discovery that fish oil and calcium give you a high, but later you really crash.

Trust me. We have the dented bicycles to prove it.


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39 Responses to "Canadians to the rescue"

Hilarious post! I too have often attempted things well beyond what I should realistically put on my to-do-list! Congrats on being “Freshly Pressed!”

Yes, we do tend to set our sights too high, don’t we?

Haha! Take it easy on the vitamins next time, will ya? 🙂

Soy withdrawal is no laughing matter!

That was hilarious! I just rode a bike in Montreal a couple of months ago. Luckily, there was no fish oil or calicium involved though.

http://joshsuds.wordpress.com/

Do those vitamins REALLY give a high?! You’re hilarious. So glad I found your blog!

I LOVE this story! Thank you so much for sharing!

Crystal
http://www.crystalspins.com

P.S. You ARE totally right — a 25-year old and man twice her age who isn’t her dad is gross. GROSS!

From someone who has been limping around all week with a bum knee from walking her “granddog” (I did not volunteer for this), ibuprofin is my drug of choice these days!
The last time Jim and I tried to be healthy exercising he split open his head!
Oh well-I give you and Gerry credit for trying-hope the leg heals quickly.

Split his head open! You gotta tell us more!

Truly funny! I’m not laughing at you…it’s with you. Wait, you’re not laughing…hmm…

I had wondered what could possibly be within the posting entitled “Canadians to the rescue” and was pleasantly surprised. Thanks for sharing your story. It may not be like the ones you find in the Reader’s Digest, but it was definitely more interesting!

From yet another Canadian… 😉

thanks for the laugh, and congrats on being Freshly Pressed.

Love it, love it, love! Were the cute Canadians really cute or gorgeous cute?

I’d say in the middle. But I was probably looking at them through trauma-colored glasses.

lol. what a great post! I enjoy your writing. Keep it up! Thanks for the morning giggle.

Congrats on being Freshly Pressed! I hope the leg gets better.

love it (except for the blood and gore of course… that just sucks). congrats on your fresh press!

“queue the Canadian’s please! we need them to save the day… again!” 🙂

I’m an ex-pat, nice to hear about Canadians 🙂 You’re story is funny and sounds like something that I would do!

Those Canadians really saved the day!

Very funny post!!! Exactly what the doctor ordered after a long hard day at work…

Thanks! Hope you come back for more.

I actually laughed out loud…. this was the best. Not sure which was funnier, the phrase “vitamin inebriation” or your attempt at French. I’m still giggling.

The vitamin inebriation may actually explain my French.

So funny!!! I was laughing out loud. Thanks!

Haha, your writing is incredible!

And Canadians FTW!

LOL’d…. really. I did. 😉

The upside of that whole episode is that no one saw it happen. I am never that lucky-I got run over by my husband (totally my fault) in front of at least a dozen other bikers. And yes, it’s the young ones that stop to make sure you’re okay!
Congrats on FP.

Ohmigosh, this post totally made my day! Now I know exactly who to blame when Mr. Mo and I have a spat! I’ll just look him in the eye and say: “That was The Fishoil talking”.

I’m sure The Estrogen will also appreciate not having to be the fall guy…er gal, all the time.
😉
Congrats on being Freshly Pressed, and 3 Cheers for Canadians!
MoSop

Great read. You know what’s better than cycling? kayaking or windsurfing…but don’t take it from me though, I don’t want to be reading another story about it…on second thoughts, with these activities, things can go a lot more wrong than just falling off of them…

Cheers
Spacey

Love it! Thanks for the preview into what life will be like for me in the not-too-distant future. At least there will always be a cute Canandian somewhere in the distance to soften the blow. Congrats on FP!

“Le Band-Aid”… Classic!

Congrats on being freshly pressed :-).

Great Post! Congratulations on being freshly pressed, and thanks for sharing this story.

LOL!! This is really, very funny 🙂

Thanks for sharing. I will be laughing all day now. “Le Band Aid”?? lolol. too funny!

blessings,
ann

Brilliant – such a good laugh and makes the prospects of walking as exercise all the more enticing 🙂

very hilarious
good one
thanx

Thanks for reading “Canadians to the rescue!” Glad you enjoyed!

Alas, you are wrong. Your husband is absolutely correct.

Simple biology: 25 year old women are interested in, attracted to, and can still procreate with, men who are 50+. The reverse is almost never true: 25 year old boys are neither interested in, attracted to, nor can procreate with, 50+ year old women.

But, take heart, while a male’s procreative shelf life exceeds that of the female – women outlive men. So the last laugh is yours.

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