Kathleen Norton

On open letter to MOB Hillary Clinton

Posted on: July 26, 2010

Behind every bridal couple is an MOB who's tearing her hair out

Dear Madam Secretary of State:

You go head-to-head on with leaders abroad. You bargain for international peace.

But can you convince snooty Cousin Ted to sit next to dopey Uncle George at Chelsea’s wedding?

Can you explain to Ms. Totally Clueless that she may bring a date but not her dog?

And most importantly, can you do these things without losing your mind?

Oh, my dear Madam Secretary of State, former First Lady, ex-senator and now Mother of the Bride-to-be, I can tell you from my own MOB experience that you are stepping into another world.

A world where it is your job to make sure the canapés never get cold and the open bar does not close a minute too soon.

A world where you try repeatedly to explain the customs of a bridal shower to your befuddled husband until you want to shout: “Just carry stuff out! That’s all you need to know!’’

A world where you would like to commit felonies against relatives who didn’t return RSVP cards or make a hotel reservation and expect you to put them up.

A world where you will be tempted to make yourself a lovely noose out of white satin.

After your time in this world, a smack down with a dictator will seem like a snap.

It does not matter what your social status is. It doesn’t matter that I may be headed to the Jersey shore while you’re headed to the Taj Mahal. The role of MOB is never easy.

I’ll bet you an upscale goody bag that somebody has already called to say: “Hi Hill, my maid has no time to shop. Pick up a nifty wedding gift for me in Pakistan while you’re over there, would ya?’’

But be warned, dear Madam Secretary of State. In the Fairy Tale that every MOB hopes to pull off, you are the Queen, and the Queen stays cool.

Even if it would be a lot easier for her to call the special royal guards (think CIA) and ask them to “shorten’’ the guest list.

Even if everyone expects you to take care of everything – which could include plumbing duty, and I am not kidding.

I should know. It happened to me on the Big Day just as my daughter’s dinner reception was winding down. A bridesmaid called from her hotel suite and asked me to come up right away.

“The toilet is broken!’’ she cried.

Who knows why she thought of me. Maybe she figured I was already in “take charge’’ mode and maybe a janitor was nowhere in sight. All I knew is that I found myself in full MOB regalia, tinkering with a toilet tank.

And then I uttered four words that no MOB ever imagines she’ll ever say while wearing the gown it took her months to find: “OK, then. Let’s give it a flush.”

See what I mean?

Sure, dear Madam Secretary of State, you may have “people’’ who can tinker with the toilet so you won’t have to. But that doesn’t mean those “people’’ won’t show up at the party with their uninvited grandmothers and next door neighbors.

And so, as the wedding draws near, my advice to you is the same as it is for every MOB:

As you give away your daughter, make sure you hang onto your sanity.

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6 Responses to "On open letter to MOB Hillary Clinton"

Kath.
This is priceless — having handled 2 weddings for the same son with non=present MOB’s, I took on the roll of double duty anbd well understand. It has been fun watching Rhineback and your neck of the woods on the news — I think you need to best stay at home until this wedding passes !!
great job and I will share with others that will share your pain,

Thanks, sis! It really is another universe planning anybody’s wedding.

Thank God I will never be the MOB. Only the MOG role for me.
-Joan
PS. You did a great job! I would never have known how close you were to insanity.

Well. I am always somewhat close to insanity, so I hid it well. Don’t know if I ever told you that broken toilet story…that was the icing on the wedding cake, so to speak.

As round 4 of MOB for daughter #4 rapidly approaches, I would just like to have Hillary’s budget to work with. The rest is “a piece of cake”.
Any room at the McNulty Inn for the weekend? Hear they are getting a couple hundred a night in Red Hook!
I will need frequent humorous MOB stories to get through this year so keep them coming!

You are the Queen MOB. All hail the queen!

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