Kathleen Norton

Confessions of a Wienie Boomer

Posted on: March 19, 2010

Geronimo!

Look up in the sky! It’s a bird! It’s a plane!

No, it’s a mid-life crisis in a parachute!

This is no laughing matter. It is a matter of  public safety.

There are 78 million middle-aged baby boomers and lots of them are skydiving, swimming with sharks, climbing volcanoes and all kinds of  crazy stuff so they can forget they’re getting old.

Better keep a helmet handy because odds are one of the flying boomers could land on your head at any moment.

There’s even going to be a TV show about this phenomena called Boomers Gone Wild! Each week you will see boomers in dangerous activities, all the while smiling and waving to the people who are videotaping their adventures.

They want videos so they can show them off at their parties. Or at their funerals should things not go so well.

“At least he died having fun!”’ they want people to say.

It’s gotten so the worst thing a boomer can be is afraid. You have to hide it from the other boomers or they call you names and tie you up with their parachute straps.

I should know. It has happened to me.

My biggest thrill recently was finishing a book for book club night. I couldn’t wait to get to the meeting and tell my big news.

“I finished the book!” I exclaimed.

“Big deal,” a fellow boomer said. “I jumped from a plane. Get over here and see the video, you big wuss!”

At this point I am afraid to tell any other boomers that I am going on any trips because when I do, they point out all the incredibly dangerous situations I should be putting myself into while I am away.

For example, my husband and I are going to Denver this summer.

He wants to watch mountain birds. I want to see the Denver Old Dolls and Antiquated Toy Museum.

Afterward, we will both need naps.

Some of our boomer friends insist there is more to do out there in Denver. Like whitewater rafting on ferocious rivers and climbing the snow-covered peaks in the sky.

We are too embarrassed to tell them that I am afraid of heights. We are mortified to admit that he doesn’t even like the bathtub filled to the top.

So yes, of course it is safer being a Wienie Boomer.

And smarter. More logical. Reasonable. And all of those things.

Oh, but the shame! The shame!

(Hey, check out Kathleen’s new weekly feature on this blog!)

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8 Responses to "Confessions of a Wienie Boomer"

When you go to Denver check out Pike’s Peak – but don’t get too close to the edge, it’s really high which is a little disconcerting to those of our age group that do not like to hurtle themselves down anything!

Hurtling is bad. Very bad.

LOL! And the highlight of my vacations is usually riding as many carousels as possible. Does that make me the Biggest Weenie Ever or what?;)

Carousel? I am impressed. This Boomer Wienie is afraid of them!

I can relate. I have to be soooo careful. One fall and you never know. We will stick to Yankee games and backyard bbq’s. That’s about as daring as it gets. On the plus side, there’s grandmotherhood!

Wait ’til you pick up that baby 14 times in a row…oh my aching back! But it’s worth it.

So…do I qualify as a “Boomer Wienie” if my three favorite hobbies are walking, wildflowers and scat hunting???? And a vacation is ONLY a vacation if it includes a nap????

Absolutely. Welcome to the club!

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